So, if I’m honest, every year at this time my stomach starts to turn a little and a lump begins to form in my throat. My heart races as I think about what the MRI might show. I’ve been told that if my cancer returns, it will be invasive – since I no longer have breast tissue to invade. Invasive. The word itself is terrifying, not to mention the thought of my body being overrun by a force outside of my control.
But then I remember – God. I remember that He is the ultimate force that has control over my life – He has the ultimate authority over not just my body (which is temporal), but most importantly – my soul. No cancer, no amount of suffering or pain, can keep me from eternal unity with Him. So that leaves me here – how do I continue to combat fear in my life, how do I pierce the lies of the devil?
With His word – with the Sword of His Spirit. But I cannot be prepared for the attacks if I’m not immersed in His word. I need to be vigilant.
What I learned? I need to read my bible. Every. Single. Day. If I don’t want fear to take hold of my fragile being, I need to grip tighter to the promises of my Savior. I need to be familiar with the awe-inspiring ways in which He loves me, protects me, and promises to never leave me. If I carry these promises with me, I am able to spiritually sucker punch the evil one (had to).
In order to fight this battle, I also need to build up and restore His temple – my body. I’ve been reading about Hezekiah and his efforts to rebuild what years of sin and rejection had done to the Lord’s temple. His heart was set on urgently pursuing God’s favor and obeying the commands put in place by his forefather’s. He wanted a revival, and I do too.
What does that look like for me? It means giving up things that are hindering my physical health, so that I have more headspace and energy to dedicate to the important areas of my life. For me, this means no caffeine, alcohol, dairy (the list goes on) – but instead, serving the Lord through building up the broken places in my body. This means getting up much earlier – starting my day with prayer and bible reading, and dedicating time for exercise. My body is ultimately His temple – if I want to serve Him wholeheartedly, I need to treat my body with utmost care.
In order to rebuild His temple, I also need to prioritize time to do things that bring me joy – daily. This seems simple, but isn’t it amazing how quickly our joy can be zapped by worry? Everyone talks about living in the moment – but it’s so incredibly hard when it feels like the weight of the world is resting on our incapable shoulders. So, instead of living – we worry about what’s next. If everything we have been through thus far has made us stronger, and led us here – what if what’s next is even harder than what we’ve already experienced? This is the internal dialogue of ‘what if.’ My counselor once referred to ‘what ifs’ as Satan’s domain. Why? Because ‘what ifs’ are fears over future events that may or may not occur – Satan uses our ‘what if’ dialogues to increasingly erode our trust in Our Savior. And it’s effective because the future is a place we cannot coexist with God – He’s the only one who knows past, present, and future.
The place where we can grasp His hand and be guided by His steps – is only in the present. In order to find joy every day – I need to throw my ‘what ifs’ to the wind, grip tightly to His word, and listen intently for His gentle voice. I can then, with open arms – embrace more joy. I can see today as a gift to fulfill more of what He has called me to. Each day as another opportunity to crush fear, embrace trust, and take one more step on this journey of purpose.
Who’s with me?! xoxo
upheld 