there is a heaviness to my heart today. the weight of loss is clouding even the sunniest of skies (that by God’s grace) we have today.
a year ago today, i birthed the tiniest of beauties into the arms of Jesus. wasn’t planned. wasn’t anticipated. but, there we were saying ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ in an instant. in the faintest of moments, i watched my daughter open her little mouth to take a breath, move her arms and legs – and immediately enter the gates of heaven. i remember telling her to ‘go to Jesus’ – as if my instruction would lead her more purposefully, but all the while knowing that – He already knew she was there, she was home.
the peach fuzz on her precious head, and the lines of her features – i pray i never forget. the space she filled in my hand + arm – i pray i never forget. the place she has in my heart – she’ll always be held.
it’s moments like these that the fragility of life becomes so apparent – so heart-shattering. but, also – where hope shines forward in piercing light – that ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’ |Revelation 21:4|
through all of the uncertainty, all of the pain, and tears – i have never been more certain of God’s divinity, purpose + presence.
so, here’s to confetti cupcakes, and a birthday we all so desperately wish were different.
until we’re together once again in heaven – sweet, Charlotte – your mommy loves you so incredibly much.
upheld 